Introspections & Retrospections

Conservation of What Matters

They say that sound cannot travel through a vacuum. That it needs matter to vibrate, to resonate, to pass on and keep going until the quantum tremblings finally fade and cease to be.

Maybe that’s what it means when someone is silent: because nothing matters between you anymore. Maybe it doesn’t matter anymore what you say; maybe it doesn’t matter anymore how my broken heart still beats for you. Maybe nothing really matters: not enough, at least, to be heard, to be felt.

Maybe the sounds have already faded away — or maybe not. Continue reading

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Introspections & Retrospections

When We Get There

I wonder what this coming year will bring. I learned that’s all I can really do— to wonder: in hope, in worry, in faith, in surrender, in this colorful turmoil of emotions bursting through the dark skies, momentary beauties juxtaposed on the apathy of the blank void beyond, booming sounds and tooting horns and all sorts of man-made noise heralding another end as it welcomes another beginning.

And I wonder what it’s all for: all our expectations, all our resolutions, all these plans and dreams that we keep making and breaking and burying into forgotten memories until one day we wake up and realize it’s been years, decades — and with a sheepish, regretful grin, we find ourselves in the very place we hoped to be a long time ago. But that place wasn’t what we hoped it would be. Continue reading

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Spiritual Reflections

Was It A Morning Like This

For some reason, the music in my head that kept ringing from Christmas Eve to Christmas Morning was an old Sandi Patty song called Was It A Morning Like This — which was in no way a Christmas song.

But isn’t it?

Today, I’m reminded that this season of Christmas is all about Christ’s sacrifice: not just miraculous birth, or His redemptive death, but of His powerful resurrection as well as His imminent return.

And so, with a bit of creative license, I thought of making my own Christmas version of the song: Continue reading

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Nativity Scene at Pacific Star
Spiritual Reflections

Then I Could Wish You Merry Christmas

I stare at the ATM display screen. My heart leaps. Finally, I can pay my bills! But just like a beautiful falling star, it fades away. Just barely enough to pay the bills. There goes my Christmas plans.

I stare at the computer screen, browsing through posted Christmas photos. People and pets in costumes, nice and odd presents, and food. Lots of food. I try not to be envious. I wanted to sour-grape, but even that is something I can’t afford.

I grin as I overhear an officemate’s Spotify play an old song from Christmas with the Chipmunks album. I sang along as the crittery caroler crooned about his lost two front teeth, as it brought me back to a happier time, a happier Christmas. Continue reading

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