Introspections & Retrospections

Preface to the Kingdom of Smiles

The comforting, cool breeze of Christmas brings a telltale whisper of memories from a decade ago… and though my own reminiscence fail me in recalling all those wonderful moments then, I do know that it had been among the best Christmas seasons in my life.

But I guess I sorely admit that I myself have slowly succumbed to the worst curse of aging – that, which like one’s eyesight fades with time, so does our ability to look forward to that clear hope of the future… leaving nothing but a creeping cataract of teary memoirs and unmet dreams. 

Christmas should be the happiest season – that I agree with wholeheartedly with the rest of my Filipino race, whose fondness towards this holiday has gone beyond social tradition and into the very heart and soul of every Filipino family both rich and poor. Yet sadly, every now and then a poor solitary person finds himself wondering as he gazes with a fornlorn smile at the fanciful decors everywhere – shallowly traipsing in introspection amidst the merriment and celebration, only thinking of how empty the room in his heart is.

But what I feel during Christmas season is not the same as what I feel towards the Christmas season. I may be caught wallowing in my personal mire of silent sorrow, but that doesn’t mean I have lost sight of my reason to celebrate the season. It is precisely because of what I feel that I am reminded why I desperately hope – as I had during my teenage years – for something more than just gifts and delectable food, or hugs and laughter with family and friends. I wanted more than just memories. I wanted a smile that will last.

Christmas is all about Christ, and people easily say that – because it is true. But meaning it, living it… understanding what it means despite the hurts, the sadness, the loneliness… gives us a more vivid picture of what the manger looks like…

The comforting, cool breeze of Christmas brings a silent lullaby of memories which I wish I can unlearn to cherish… yet as the wind blows as gently before, I know my God will carry me as gently onwards… holding memories with one hand, and my dreams with the other… to clasp them both in prayer towards Him in hope that I may someday find my Kingdom of Smiles…

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