As I went home last night, I was pondering on how to draft today’s blog. You see, today is the day that my only ex-girlfriend (as of the moment) gets married, and I wanted to honor the event with a blog even though I was uninvited.
My day’s plan was supposedly planned out already: wake up at 4:00AM to jog (so I won’t have to suffer as much on this weekend’s muay thai training), go to the office by 8:00AM, get out of the office by 5:00PM (or 7:00PM, if there’s still overtime work to be done), prepare for an important interview tomorrow (which requires me to do a presentation/criticism, so I had to do research and stuff), press some decent wear (because God knows I hate ironing and it takes me almost an hour just to finish a set), then have a good night’s sleep.
I woke up at 9:20AM, with my boss calling me on the mobile phone.
And with a text from my ex-girlfriend, telling me to make it for her wedding ceremony in the afternoon.
Logically, I could have turned it down. I had deadlines. I had priorities. I had plans. And she was my freakin’ ex-girlfriend, inviting me to her wedding. As a last minute invitation. Would it be more ethical to turn it down, because she is an ex-girlfriend? What would people say when they see me there? These thoughts pounced on me as I debated internally on how to respond.
But I trusted her. She would not have invited me if it was not okay. And I wanted to be there, too. I wanted to see her smile at this important event in her life. You see, she was more than an ex-girlfriend to me. She was an old friend, who shared with me the happy memories of our first youth camp in 1995 while we were still in high school. She was a good friend, inside the church ministries of WIN Naga, in various Christian activities in Bicol, and in our ordinary pancit-canton+baduya+VHS movie days during college. And for an important period in my life- she was my bestfriend, helping me survive as I faced my own depressions, frustrations and helplessness… and
regrow the balls I needed.
She was my first love, yet I do not regret letting her go. Because as she walked the aisle today, she was beautiful. She was smiling. And I know that the reason for this was because she has indeed found someone who truly deserve her. And I realized, with sincerity, that I am joyful and proud for both of them.
I learned that moving on is not simply about replacing someone you held dear. It’s not about forgetting about the sad past. It’s not about throwing away or burning old love letters, holiday cards, sentimental memorabilia, and all those cheesy stuff. Moving on is about wading across a mire of pain, bitterness, anger, resentment, regret, unhappiness and all those disgusting feelings – and with Christ’s strength, to hold up what’s more important: happy memories, life lessons, wisdom, strength, character, integrity and undying pure friendship. I have humbly crossed over. I have proudly passed the baton. I have moved on.
As we let her go from our own local church so she can join her husband in following where God wants them to forge their own path, I am reminded of this old song:Here is where the road divides
Here is where we realize
The sculpting of the Father’s great design
Thru’ time you’ve been a friend to me
But time is now the enemy
I wish we didn’t have to say goodbye But I know the road He chose for me
Is not the road he chose for you
So as we chase the dreams we’re after Pray for me and I’ll pray for you Pray that we will keep the common ground Won’t you pray for me and I’ll pray for you And one day love will bring us back around again Painted on our tapestry We see the way it has to be Weaving thru’ the laughter and the tears But love will be the tie that binds us
To the time we leave behind us
Memories will be our souvenirs And I know that thru’ it all The hardest part of love is letting go
But there’s a greater love that holds us Pray for me and I’ll pray for you Pray that we will keep the common ground
Won’t you pray for me and I’ll pray for you
And one day love will bring us back around again [ “Pray for Me” by Michael W Smith]
To Joy and Japhet, thank you for having me at your wedding. It was a privilege to be part of this wonderful memory, and I pray that you both will have more blessed memories together as a family who loves God more than anything. And thank you for having me as your brother in Christ, and more than anything, as your friend.
Best wishes to both of you! Go prosper and multiply!