“Hey, why don’t you go out with her? She’s available.”
“What?! You’re past 30 years, kuya— you should be married already!”
“Don’t be so picky, or else you might regret when you realize too late.”
Blah, blah, blah.
And after years and days of fending off, I find myself wondering.
Maybe I should give in and listen.
And then, those annoying words:
Sheesh. Love is for fools. Can I be foolish just this once more, God?
So, okay— maybe I did exaggerate. But growing up in the church since childhood, I’ve been bombarded with lessons and principles and examples. I’ve met and said goodbye to a lot of friends: those who happily wed their partners, those who unhappily accepted the consequences of their mistakes, and those who like me are either too timid in dreaming the same joyful fairy tale endings or too careful and afraid to make similar relationship errors.
It’s not only the church. Social norms impose certain expectations and limitations, and as much as we try to assert our own will and individualism, most of us would rather prefer the unchallenged path where we would not be misjudged and misunderstood.
Should I date this girl? Can I live with her for the rest of my life? How will our relationship affect my work, my dreams, my personal ministry and mission? Will my friends accept her? How about my family? Will her family and friends accept me?
But more than these overthought concerns, sometimes it’s just God’s fault. I love divine intervention, but seriously it can be a bit annoying— especially when it’s about a girl I really like.
“Hey God, I want to tell her today…” Then BAM! Something happens outside my calculation, and the opportunity passes by. A few months later, I find out she’s into a new relationship.
“Hey God, I think this girl’s the one!” Then BAM! Sorry, Bro (I could almost imagine God saying— not that He’d apologize anyway), and without any explanation, we just drift apart.
“Hey God, if only I can get close to her…” Then BAM! Nope. Not happening.
You’d probably be thinking, pfft you’re just blaming God for your own timidity and slow actions. You might have a point. But that’s because you don’t understand my personal love/hate relationship with God. Yes, I love how much God watches over me. And yes, I hate how much God watches over me. So, there.
To be fair, I do admit how fickle and easy it is for me to be attracted to someone: from the shallow fetish of liking girls with long hair, to enjoying a good [read: not boring] conversation, being intellectually-challenged beyond my perceptions, having my emotional needs met… there’s a long list of simple things to ensnare my attention, and it makes me wary of how vulnerable I am, and how easily I can also be tempted and enticed to sin. Because just like everyone else, I have my weaknesses — the strong exterior that most people see in my mind and heart is but a thick shell that hides the hollow defense of my soul. It is only when I stick close to Christ that I am able to withstand these things, and I will have to confess that I am not always that intimate with God.
But still, I wish God allowed me to wallow in the mud at times…
However, I am and will be confident in His will — not the kind of “God’s will” as we push ourselves to believe, but that which is centered in His glory alone. That whether I remain unmarried or not will not make me unlikely to accomplish His plans for my life, nor will it determine my faith nor fate or how my ministry will flourish or turn.
Maybe, He’s interfering now so I won’t be distracted from what He wants me to achieve— something bigger than this temporary romance of this world.
Maybe, He’s interfering now so that I’ll be available when the right one comes— not that I believe in soulmates or “the one”. Maybe He’s interfering so I won’t make a bigger fool of myself when I finally do meet her, or when she’s finally ready for me.
[Maybe He’s also interfering with her love life, too, now. I wish.]
Maybe He’s making all these countless romantic interferences so we can avoid more heartaches. Maybe He’s doing all these interventions so we can always remember that maybe, maybe ending up with somebody to love isn’t the whole point of life.
And maybe, God just wants us to see that it’s not an interference or an intervention at all once we learn to trust Him, freely allow Him to guide us through the circumstances, and believe that maybe, maybe God’s grand idea of romance isn’t so bad after all. A romance that’s more than just me and her, because it’s about Him and us. A romance that’s more than a happily ever after, because only He can truly promise life and love forever.
God, can You help me stop interfering with Your lovelife?