Introspections & Retrospections

When We Get There

I wonder what this coming year will bring. I learned that’s all I can really do— to wonder: in hope, in worry, in faith, in surrender, in this colorful turmoil of emotions bursting through the dark skies, momentary beauties juxtaposed on the apathy of the blank void beyond, booming sounds and tooting horns and all sorts of man-made noise heralding another end as it welcomes another beginning.

And I wonder what it’s all for: all our expectations, all our resolutions, all these plans and dreams that we keep making and breaking and burying into forgotten memories until one day we wake up and realize it’s been years, decades — and with a sheepish, regretful grin, we find ourselves in the very place we hoped to be a long time ago. But that place wasn’t what we hoped it would be. Continue reading

Introspections & Retrospections

Til Love Makes Us One

Just because I’m a hopeless romantic doesn’t mean I love weddings. I hate the fact that I’m forced to buy new clothes and shoes. I hate the fact that I’ve pressured myself to lose weight, not just to fit into the formal wear, but to look decently good for the photos. I hate the times when I have to switch into temporary-extrovert mode as I’m coerced into joining the games during reception.

And I hate that bittersweet melancholy as the celebration ends, as guests trickle away and empty the place, as the lovely couple finally leave with each other — to finally, truly live with each other — and all that’s left are the memory and inspiration of the moment, and a hopefulness brewing, stirring inside.

And I can’t help but sigh because, as much as my rational mind refutes it, I find myself at the end of each wedding believing in magic. Continue reading

"Even Silent Waters Have Shallow Shores" by Ronaldo Patrocinio • Hulugan/Talay Falls, Luisiana, Laguna
Introspections & Retrospections

Even Silent Waters Have Shallow Shores

Silent waters do run deep. And dirty. Sometimes.

When was the last time you really appreciated the simple joy of sitting down? Mine was after almost half a day on a waterfall hike in Laguna. I didn’t even bother cleaning the dirty makeshift bamboo bench. I looked at my hands, muddy. Forget the handkerchief. I just wiped it off on whatever tidy spot left on my shirt and shorts.

That morning, I was worrying about a lot of things. Writing deadlines. Stuff to do. Personal plans. Budget. Goals. Inexistential lovelife problems.

That afternoon, my mind was unbelievably clear.

Like, to hell with all these concerns! I just want to get the day over with. Go home. SLEEP.

And get a freakin’ 10hour whole body massage.

Continue reading