Introspections & Retrospections

Sundays, Self-Reflections, Stargazing & Suburi

My legs were shaking. My knees were shaking. I barely finished 10 hops of ‘frog suburi,’ but I was already panting hard, and part of me wanted to just give up and call it a day. But a couple of strangers behind me snickered, and I could barely hear a girl’s mocking voice say: “See, he can’t do it anymore.”

I was tempted to whirl around, snarl at them to try doing my exercise routine. But I did not. Instead, I took a deep breath, stood up, and proceeded with the next routines. Faster. Sharper. Stronger.

By the time I was done with my second round, it was quiet again. I didn’t even notice them leave. Part of me wanted to feel smug. Part of me wondered, hoped, if in some way, they learned something from me that night.

The grass was moist, but the ground was dry and cool. For the first time in a very long while, I hugged the earth without a care or thought. I smelled the sweet aroma of the soil mixed with organic decay. I listened at the sounds: of footsteps from various joggers and strollers, of distant honks and beeps from cars whizzing outside the park, of children squealing as they try to chase after the resident cats and parents yelling after them. And slowly, I gazed around me: at the artificial lights diffused by the rustling leaves of trees, at the ever-unreachable dark sky pimpled by stars where the luminescent clouds couldn’t hide them. And for a moment, I was filled again with the same longing, heartbreaking joyfulness that I’ve always felt at nights like this during my youth.

Oh God, I’m already 36 years old. I’m too old for this.

Why am I even doing this? Continue reading

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Photo by Kriezyl Paguntalan
Introspections & Retrospections

In Awe of Clouds

I rarely enjoy walking in the daylight, but there are amazing sights you don’t usually see and appreciate in the evening— especially at 5pm on a cloudy day. We all probably had a moment in our lives when we’d just stare at the clouds and admire how beautiful or gloomy they seem. Today, I was simply ensnared.

It was quite an ordinary scene, actually. The clouds on the horizon were stained with light tangerine to soft rose, shaded by patches of gray or blighted with glaring white. It was a majestic mixture of both colors and emotions, but what really stopped me and caused my heart to quicken were the towering cumulus clouds that seemed to overrun and dominate the skies.

Have you ever wondered, imagined, how pitiful and insignificant we seem compared to the clouds? Think about it— float to the sky and hover before the titanic column of cumulus clouds, fluffy yet foreboding. Picture yourself there, a near-imperceptible dot against the mighty volume of cotton-like vapor. Better yet, realize how an airplane compares as it pierces through those clouds, and how tiny you are inside such a contraption.

Behold, the ageless awe of the mysterious clouds. Continue reading

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